Now that the 2017 football season is officially upon us, the majority of my content will be focused on the bears and possibly other NFL teams as well, like the Dallas Cowboys and all their fuck ups this past off-season, I’m looking right at you Ezekiel Elliot. I may be a little late to the party on this one but I do wanna go over what I saw this past Thursday, when the Denver Donkeys took on my Chicago Bums....
What is this title that you’re wondering? Well allow me to enlighten you toilet thinkers on what it means to love them chickens and on the side eggs. The old age question of whether or not the chicken or the egg came first is something that would be debated forever in the future, but not today. For today the myth and legends spoken of this question be dispelled and the truth shines upon your hopeless chicken selves....
It’s almost that time of year again fellow NFL fans (why yes, here at Crappy Thoughts we cover sports as well, #FuckJoeBuck) where we are close to the start of the regular season. We will get to witness a new class of rookies compete for starting jobs as well as try and make a name for themselves in the league. Or you can end up like Johnny Manziel, become an alcoholic, beat your girlfriend, and flame out in a 3 year career....
Hello humans. You shall all be referred to as humans because I feel like we are above and beyond genders. I realize it has been a week since this blog has seen any action, I profoundly apologize and would like to say that there is no excuse (besides the one that we’re all busy with life, vacation, sex, money laundering, and the occasional drug). This post will be a review of the movie Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, directed by one of my favorite directors, Luc Besson....
ROUND 3 MOTHAFUCKAS ROUND 3. DING DING DING. Man I said it once and I’ll say it again, I have had it with these motherfucking liberals in this motherfucking country. Christ I’m about to strike your ass out like if it’s a ball game. Now let me clarify and tell you all my stance because y’all have these titty attacks faster than radical terrorists screaming allahu akbar and blowing the fuck up....
A 21 Savage Issa Album collaboration review featuring Dat Boi with a Rocket Launcher and Samuel L Windu. Hello my dear one eyed snakes and beloved hot pockets, today we will doing a brutally honest review of the new 21 Savage album that was released on July 7th, Issa Album. This is his debut studio album. All previous releases, such as Savage Mode and Slaughter King were mixtapes and collabs with other artists....
Before I begin why such an anomylous word comparison happens, it is imperative that we first understand what a crêpe truly is. A crêpe or crepe (/kreɪp/ or /krɛp/, French: [kʁɛp], Quebec French: [kʁaɪ̯p]) is a type of very thin pastry, usually made from wheat flour (crêpes de froment) or buckwheat flour (galettes). Crêpes belong to the general category of ancient Greek Tiganitai, from Greek tiganos NIGGA WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE IS THIS?...
Before I go any further with this piece let me clarify, I am not a racist, misogynist, bigot, homophobe, or a white supremacist. I am all in favor for world peace. I am for equal rights, meaning that gay people, trans-gender people, and minorities like myself should have the same rights that everyone else does here in a ‘Murica. I agree with the base idea of Liberalism but the problem comes from the people enforcing it....
Twats and dicks, today we review the new 2017 Mummy. It stars handsome Tom Cruise: and the stunning Sofia Boutella: among others such as Russell Crowe and Annabelle Wallis. First, a little history… The Mummy came out in 1999 and starred Brendan Fraser as Rick O’Connell (the main character), Rachel Weisz (the main heroine), (insert other characters that aided Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz), and featured Arnold Vosloo as the main antagonist (the actual mummy that comes back to life)....
While ducks may like to get it on pretty wildly, I have not yet seen or read about a case where a male or female duck (yes, animals only have two genders, shocking right) has gotten an STD as a result. But apparently, a LOT of koalas in Australia seem to be infected with a strain of chlamydia that places them in a lot of pain and ultimately death. So what the fuck are these kinky marsupials doing on that island?...